Friday, September 23, 2005

Driving in India..A Crash Course

For all of you who want to visit India and dare driving here, this blog is all about driving India. Read very carefully and if you feel like laughing, laugh before you take the wheel!!

Indian road rules operate within the domain of Karma (Do ur best and leave the rest to the insurance company) Some of the tips/ hints are as follows:

Left or Right?? - Answer is "BOTH". Start from left if the left lane is free. Then move right if right is free. This is more like chess...move to the next free spot on the road. Only trust your instincts

Pedestrians - Dont stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fools want to cross the road. You'll easily be bumped at the back. Pedestrians are strictly instructed to cross the road only when traffic is slow moving.

Horns - Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We honk to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust. Sometimes to mobilize a cow dozing in the middle of the road.

Night Driving - An Exhilarating experience. U will never know which drivers are loaded. What looks like a premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull into the adjoining field till the phenomenon passes. Our roads don't have shoulders. Boulders? Yes of course. Blinking headlights expecting reciprocation is sheer stupidity. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, with a peg of arrack at the last stop. His cerebral functions could all add up to a little more than naught

Truckies - James Bonds of India (License to kill). A single powerful beam of light six feet above the ground... Not a super bike. Instead a truck with only one light on. Usually the left one. Dont get too close to investigate. Your point may only be proved "Posthumously". Of course, this is only at night. During days, trucks are more visible. Except that the drivers wont pass any signals. Only at times the cleaner projects his hand and waves frantically, to beat the heat.
Occasionally you may see what appears to be a UFO with blinking colored lights and wierd sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy piligrims singing Bhajans. They go at break-neck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often succesfully.

Autos - Collision b/w automobiles and rickshaws (Auto Rickshaw). The triangular vehicle runs on ext. combustion engine. Fuel - Mix of Kerosene and Creosote. IT can carry iron rods, gas cylinders or even passengers. After calculations, children are folded and packed into these autos until some in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all around. These drivers follow rules depicted in the movie BEN HUR and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds - Oil Tin on wheels and make noise like an electric shaver. They run 30 miles on a Tea spoon of petrol and travel on break bottom speed. As the sides of the roads are too rugged, these drivers always drive in the middle of the road at a max speed of 20 Kmph. They are often "mopped" off the road by bigger, heavier vehicles.

One final aspect that could be added apart from other normal occurances like Leaning tower of passes (people hanging outta buses by 3 passenger widths) and one ways, is the speed breaker technology; one per two houses. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and left untarred for the authorities to identify easily, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

After reading all this, if you still want to learn driving in India, you are welcome from 8 PM to 11 AM, when the cops have gone home, to enjoy the "Freedom of Speed".

Try This Music - Aaja meri gaadi mein bhait jaa

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

One more Krazee Tag - from Akshay

I don't know how things go on from now on. All I have to do, is be creative enuf in writing a Luv story in 55 words. I haven't considered a's and I's as a word.

So, here goes.... Presenting the shortest love story (55 words):

A skinny punk always observed only women in his shop. He didn't match neither's height nor build, quite opposite to his!!

So, he let his parents choose his bride. But his parents were to choose a similar girl well known to them.

Once she met him and smiled lovingly. He fell in love and married her.

Hmmm... now, I pass this on to Vasu, Kishore. Lets c if anyone else is intersted in picking the tag on their own...

Try This Muzik: Mai Shaayar to Nahee (Mohd. Rafi)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I'm a Superior Nerd!!!!

I am nerdier than 98% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

I just picked this one up from Akshay's blog. Could've been a little more better though. Anyways, it was a good TP. Well, you can also go ahead and try and beat me. This is really disappointing that I am almost a supreme 'NERD'... :-o
Try This Song: Last Resort (Papa Roach)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Ashes for the Brits!!

After 16 long years of strangle hold on the coveted Ashes, it is now high time that the Aussies humbly pass it on to the English. It may have been some time now for me since I stopped following the whole game of Cricket. But this news has brought some fresh life into the Cricketing world.

Now, you may be wondering how the English managed to recover from 34/1 in their second innings with just 6 runs lead to start off with. Thank the Aussies who dropped (yes. Thats no typo) Pieterson who mercilessly punished them for their drops by scoring all the way upto 158. Thanks to that, even though Pieterson was the eighth man out, England had amassed 335 for the Aussies to get further over-confident.

The World Champions who came down to bat, only to go down 4/0 before they accepted an offer of bad-light and hence the historic, long awaited defeat. Now, England has the Ashes just for them.

Try This Song: No Leaf Clover (Metallica)